I unironically want to become an ape.

eing an ape would be so much better than being a human, just think about it. Apes have no responsibilities, like work, school, and taxes, and are immune to the hellhole that is the internet and technology, so all your time can be devoted to sleeping and chilling with your ape buddies. You can eat bananas (objectively the best fruit) of the highest quality, play tag with your ape friends (even better than human tag because apes are agile and can parkour on trees), and start an ape family with many ape babies (the only babies I wouldn’t curbstomp). Apes are also pretty smart, so you could have a much richer life than most other animals while not being dependent on degenerative human entertainment. Apes can also have fun anywhere — in the wilderness, at the zoo, on the streets, and so on, so you wouldn’t have to worry about where you would go. God I want to be an ape so fucking bad, I’ve already converted to Buddhism and am thinking about what my chances of reincarnating as an ape are, and what I’d do if I don’t get reincarnated as one. And if I were you, I would be trying to do the same thing.