[TW for: mention of sexual stuff and intrusive thoughts] I identify as aromantic/asexual, but I have OCD which gives me sexually explicit intrusive thoughts. Usually I would just ignore them. But recently the intrusive thoughts have started to actually arouse me even though they're still intrusive... The lines are blurred for me on what the difference between unwanted thoughts/urges are from my OCD or what is actual libido. I don't think I have an actual libido, but my OCD has fabricated a false one that it uses to torture me. It's getting out of control. I also have sexual compulsions too, such as: forcing myself to imagine the ENTIRE thought, like the thought goes on for minutes straight and my brain doesn't let me move on.. I don't know what to do. I used to be so clearly aroace, and my OCD is trying to convince me I want these things. I can't give any clear answer anymore for what my sexual attraction (if I'm sex-repulsed or sex-favorable) is anymore, my brain has warped it... So.... is there a term for this? Having a libido/sexual attraction that is specifically conjured by your brain because you don't want it? I know that there's an "OCDniac" page which is for when your OCD affects your gender/sexuality.. but that's not quite what I'm looking for..
in: