Nonamory is a relationship orientation that indicates one does not desire intimate, committed, long-term partnerships. This can include romantic, sexual, queerplatonic, or platonic life-partners.
Nonamorous individuals may instead decide to focus on friends or family, or they may choose to be solitary. Their life may focus on many fulfilling things such as hobbies, career, friendship, the arts, traveling, spirituality, social activism, learning, or more. They may or may not be sexually active.
Since nonamory is a lifestyle that one can choose, an alloromantic individual can choose to be nonamorous, similar to how an allosexual individual may choose to be celibate. A nonamorous individual feels the same way about romance and life-partnerships as a celibate individual feels about sex. However, it is most common among aromantic and aro-spec individuals.
In some cases, it may be used interchangebly with afidelitous, agamous, and/or non-partnering.
History
Nonamorous was coined by Tumblr user Anagnori on December 1, 2013.[1] The term originated from a conversation between them and the user Uselessladders.[2]
On December 27th, 2018, Tumblr user ndnhawks suggested the term nonamorous should be replaced with another term, asserting that nonamorous implied that someone who is not nonamorous would be "amorous".[3] Since amorous and amory are typically used to exclusively describe sexual or romantic relationships, this caused discomfort among parts of the community that would fall under this "amorous" label.
However, when potential alternatives to nonamorous were created, they were similarly criticized. This left the nonamorous community frustrated at not having an "acceptable" term to describe themselves, leaving them with a language gap. In response, the user Arotaro replaced any instance of "nonamorous" with the self-introduction monologue of Greed from Fullmetal Alchemist[4] to show the futility in trying to create perfect labels and the frustration of not being able to label themselves, as well as showing that the meaning of any given word is completely arbitrary. The quote goes "I’m Greed. I want everything you can think of: money and women, power and sex, status, glory, I demand the finer things. And of course I crave eternal life."
Ndnhawks later backtracked on their statement[5], and the controversy died down.
Flag
The main nonamorous flag was designed by an anonymous user, submitted to beyond-mogai-pride-flags on January 25, 2019.[6] The meanings are as follows:
- Indigo represents the integrity nonamorous individuals show towards themselves in spite of social pressure to enter into monogamous relationships.
- Magenta represents compassion and solidarity between members of the nonamorous community as well as other individuals who struggle against the pressures of a hetero and monogamocentric society. It also represents the harmony we can achieve outside of ‘traditional’ long-term partnerships.
- Amber represents the joy, independence, and confidence nonamorous individuals harbor, both in non-monogamous relationships and with themselves, as well as solidarity.
- Turquoise represents the healing and self-sufficiency nonamorous individuals find as a community despite living in a world that treats them as ‘incomplete’ for not seeking out a monogamous partnership.
- The letter V was use to represent adventurousness and creativity in how nonamorous individuals relate to the world, and to represent how nonamory has long been in ‘uncharted waters’ in terms of general awareness and acceptance.
Before that, there were two other nonamorous flags. One was proposed by deviantart user enbygsrd on September 16, 2016.[7] The other is the greyscale flag that was made by an unknown creator on, or before, June 8, 2017.[8] The color meaning is as follows : Over the bars is a white “∅”, which is used as a null symbol, representing not wanting to have intimate long-term relationships. The colors are meant to represent sort of supporting yourself and being independent as well.
Another alternate flag is a redesign of the main nonamorous flag by tumblr user FlippingPancake.[9] The color meanings are the same. Aside from the main one, there were two other variants. One more similar to the original, and one simplified version.
Resources
- ↑ https://web.archive.org/web/20150319031502/https://anagnori.tumblr.com/post/68737057155/nonamory
- ↑ https://web.archive.org/web/20181216182823/https://anagnori.tumblr.com/post/68729400949/adding-to-the-aromantic-asexual-conversation
- ↑ https://web.archive.org/web/20230627011319/https://www.tumblr.com/ndnhawks/182808357531/aroatem-heyo-aros-ive-got-a-little-thing-here?source=share
- ↑ https://arotaro.tumblr.com/post/185810716576/ive-decided-from-now-on-instead-of-trying-to-find
- ↑ https://web.archive.org/web/20230627011226/https://www.tumblr.com/ndnhawks/186105702651/can-we-please-stop-throwing-words-around-and-just?source=share
- ↑ https://beyond-mogai-pride-flags.tumblr.com/post/182310677230/ive-personally-had-some-problems-with-the
- ↑ https://www.deviantart.com/enbygsrd/art/Nonamory-Pride-Flag-proposal-634770531
- ↑ https://pride-color-schemes.tumblr.com/post/161766431588/nonamory
- ↑ https://flippingpancake.tumblr.com/post/654348761212026880/id-three-similar-flags-with-a-few-difference