Should I come out? / How should I come out?
- Only come out if you are safe. If you feel like it would be unsafe in any way to come out in your current situation then do not come out.
- You can sometimes test an individual's potential reaction by bringing up topics of sexuality or gender with them first. This can be by bringing up LGBT+ news stories, media, or celebrities. It does not have to be in person.
- Take your time. You do not need to come out right away.
- You do not have to come out to everyone at once. There are some individuals who you may never come out to and that's okay.
- Come out to those you trust. It can be easier to start by telling friends or siblings than by telling family. Try to find those who you know are allies. If they are individuals who you don't want to come out yet, make sure the individuals you do tell know this and can keep a secret.
- If you are uncomfortable with talking face-to-face you can write a letter, or do it through text or email.
- If you think it could go badly, avoid doing it before you have to spend a lot of time with the other individual, like a Christmas/Xmas dinner or a long flight.
- You don't ever have to come out if you don't want to.
Where can I find a list of every pronoun set?
There are infinitely many pronoun sets. There are as many pronoun set as there are possible combinations of letters and symbols. There is no way to keep track of them all. Literally anyone can make a pronoun set and there are no “rules” for what that pronoun set can be.
If what you're actually asking for is a comprehensive list of many pronouns sets, then: https://pronoun-provider.tumblr.com/pronouns
I want to make a list of every gender/sexuality/flag/LGBT+ identity. Where should I start?
You will not succeed. I guarantee it.
There isn't for over ruling authority that keeps track of this stuff, and who individuals have to go through to make an identity. Literally anyone can be a new identity at any time and they will do it faster than you can ever hope to write them down.
This wiki is a testament to my attempt to do exactly this and I am literally no closer to finishing than I was when I started. For every page that is added five new identities are spontaneously created. I am Sisyphus and this is my rock.
Why is there not a page for [insert identity here]?
Because one hasn't been made yet.
How come [insert term here] has the same definition as [insert term here]?
1) There might be a subtle difference that you are not understanding.
2) There is no LGBTA+ hivemind. Not everyone is aware of every term that's been coined so sometimes two folks will make terms with the same definition.
If you've asking which one to identify with just go with whichever one you like more, or both.
What is my orientation?/Is there a word for...?
Please read my three part masterpost for those looking for a certain sexuality.
- Part 1: For gender based attraction.
- Part 2: For ace-spec identities.
- Part 3: For aro-spec identities and tertiary attraction.
You may also want to look through our various categories for sexualities.
- Attraction to women, feminine genders, and/or feminine presentation.
- Attraction to men, masculine genders, and/or masculine presentation.
- Attraction to non-binary individuals, neutral genders, abinary genders, unaligned genders, and/or gender neutral presentation.
- Attraction to multiple genders.
- Attraction that changes.
- Miscellaneous attraction.
- Ace-spec identities.
- Aro-spec identities.
What's the difference between bisexual, polysexual, omnisexual, and pansexual?
- Attracted to all genders.
- Generally experiences no difference between genders.
- Attracted to all genders.
- Generally experiences some difference between genders.
- Attracted to multiple genders, but not all genders.
- May or may not experience a difference between genders.
- Attracted to multiple genders, can be attracted to 2 genders, all genders, or anywhere in between.
- May or may not experience a difference between genders.
Am I bi, pan, or omni?
Identity as whichever you prefer.
While you can make a distinction between them if you wish, you do not have to. You can identify as multiple if you want.
Can I be sapphic/achillean if I'm [insert m-spec identity here]?
Yes. That is the point of sapphic/achillean.
Can I be sapphic/achillean if I'm attracted to everyone and..?
Yes. That is the point of sapphic/achillean.
What's is called when I'm attracted to feminine individuals regardless of their actual gender?
Yes, this a common enough question to be in the FAQ.
What's it called when I have a preference for [insert gender here]?
Not all preferences need a label. Though, if you feel it's neccessary see finic, minic, ninic. You may also consider identifying as a gender-loving-gender term like achillean, sapphic, enbian, etc, as these are non-exclusive and are show that you prioritize your attraction to a particular gender.
What's it called when I'm attracted to trans individuals?
Nothing. Anyone of any sexuality can be attracted to trans individuals because "trans" is not a gender on it's own. If you're attracted to trans men you are attracted to men. If you're attracted to trans women you are attracted to women. To claim otherwise is transphobic.
What's it called when I'm attracted to non-binary individuals?
Non-binary individuals aren't a single monolithic group that you can say "Yes, I'm attracted to them" or "No, I'm not attracted to any of them".
I'm attracted to non-binary individuals, can I still identify as gay/lesbian/straight/[insert monosexual identity here]?
Yes, but also it depends.
All orientations include non-binary individuals, but not all orientations include all non-binary individuals. If you are a woman who is attracted to woman aligned/feminine aligned nb individuals that can be included in lesbian attraction if you wish. If you are also attracted to male aligned/masculine aligned nb individuals then that probably would not fall under lesbian attraction. If you are attracted to neutral/unaligned nb individuals you may still identify as lesbian but it is up to your digression and how you think that attraction is best described.
I'm not attracted to non-binary individuals, can I still identify as gay/lesbian/straight/[insert monosexual identity here]?
Just because non-binary individuals can be included in an identity doesn't mean that you, personally, have to be attracted to them.
Can I be [insert orientation here] if I'm transgender?
Trans men are men and can use any terms that can be used by men.
Trans women are women and can use any terms that can be used by women.
Can I use trixic/toric if I am [insert non-binary gender here]?
Yes. Trixic and toric can be used by any non-binary individual, regardless of alignment.
Do I have to use trixic/toric or feminamoric/viramoric if I'm non-binary/[insert non-binary gender here]?
Can I be gay/vincian/achillean if I am non-binary?
Can I be lesbian/sapphic if I am non-binary?
Can I be polyamorous if I am [insert orientation here]?
Can I be [insert sexuality here] but for romantic/(queer)platonic/aesthetic/alterous/etc. attraction?
Yes. All terms have editable prefixes and suffixes.
What is the word for [insert sexuality here] attraction but for romantic/(queer)platonic/aesthetic/alterous/etc. attraction?
[insert prefix here][insert name of attraction here], for example:
Bisexual, Biromantic, Biplatonic, Biqueerplatonic, Biaesthetic, Bialterous, Bi[insert name of attraction here]
Now replace "bi-" with the sexuality prefix in question.
Can I be [insert ace-spec term here] and [insert other sexuality here] at the same time?
Yes. One can belong to the asexual spectrum but still only hold attraction to certain genders. For example, a demisexual who is only attracted to those they are bonded with may also be homosexual. The only case in which an ace-spec could not be combined with another sexuality is when one feels absolutely no sexual attraction, referred to as Omnisexual.
Can I be [insert sexual orientation here] and [insert romantic orientation here] at the same time?
Yes. One's sexual attraction has nothing to do with their romantic attraction.
Can I be asexual/ace-spec if I watch porn/masturbate/have a sex drive/enjoy sex?
Yes. Sexual attraction does not equate to libido. Many asexuals may have sex or masturbate, simply because they enjoy the feeling of it. But there are many reasons as to why asexuals take part in sexual activities.
Can I be aromantic/aro-spec if I have/want to have a romantic relationship?
Yes. There are many other reasons as to why one would want to be in a romantic relationship, even if they do not feel romantic attraction.
Can I be in a queerplatonic relationship if I'm not asexual/not aromantic/[insert adjective here]?
What gender am I?
You may want to look through our gender categories.
- For genders associated with femaleness/womanhood or femininity.
- For genders associated with maleness/manhood or masculinity.
- For genders that are neutral, unaligned, or abinary.
- For genders that are outherine (not masculine, feminine, or neutral, but still gendered).
- For genderlessness.
- For partial genders.
- For multigenders.
- For genders that are fluid or flux.
- For xenogenders.
- Miscellaneous genders.
What's it called when I don't care about my gender?
Am I intersex if...
Unless the second part of that question is "I was born with a chromosomal, hormonal, gonadal, and/or genital, variation that causes my sex to not fall into the traditional classification of male or female" then the answer is no.
Intersex is not a gender identity. It is a physical, sex variation which is present in one's chromosomes, naturally produced hormones, gonads, genitals, or combination of those things, that you are born with. If you were not born with such a variation then you are not intersex. And no, if you go on HRT you are not intersex. No, if you have surgery you are not intersex. No, you cannot "transition to intersex".
If you are not intersex, but still desire alternate sex characteristics, or have alternate sex characters (that you were not born with), then you may identify as altersex.
Can I be [insert gender here] and [insert other gender here] at the same time?
Can I be trans if I don't want to have surgery/go on hormones/wear different clothes/[insert activity here]?
Yes. There are many reasons as to why some transgender individuals may not transition. This can include personal beliefs, preferences in comfort, lack of dysphoria, and many more reasons. It should not be implied that transgenders are all rushing to get a sex change. Many individuals around you are transgender and you may not even know it.
Can I be trans if I am [insert non-binary gender here]?
Yes. The common definition of transgender is simply 'a gender that is not your assigned gender at birth'. This includes non-binary genders.
Does [insert gender here] count as non-binary?
Am I allowed to change my name if I am [insert gender here]?
Can I be [insert gender here] if I am [insert gender presentation here]?
Can I be [insert gender here] if I like to [wear certain clothing item]/[do certain activity]?
Can I be [insert gender here] if I like to be called sister/brother/daughter/son/partners/[insert gendered word here]?
What's the difference between non-binary and genderqueer?
- Anyone whose gender is not strictly male or female.
- Anyone who has a non-normative (queer) experience with gender. Which can include:
- Anyone whose gender is not strictly male or female.
- Anyone who is gender non-conforming.
The two are often used interchangeably to refer to someone whose gender is not strictly male or female. However genderqueer can also, sometimes, be used for gender non-conforming binary men and women. This definition of genderqueer is not as common in the modern day but can still be used. Remember that genderqueer is an older term, so the precise distinctions between orientation, gender, and gender presentation that we often use today were not present at the time it was created.
What's the difference between bigender and androgyne?I think this is best explained with an example. See the image for the visual example.
In this example I have used a simplified gender spectrum with male or masculine on one side and female or feminine on the other side. Individual A has a single androgynous gender. This gender is somewhere in between male and female, but is not one or the other. This individual is androgyne but is not bigender, because they only experience a single gender.
Individual B experiences two distinct and separate genders. One gender is male, the other gender is female. This individual is bigender and androgyne.
Individual C experiences two distinct and separate genders. One gender is male, the other gender is something outside the male/masculine-female/feminine gender spectrum (possibly neutrois, or another abinary gender). This individual is bigender but is not androgyne, because they're genders are not simultaneously masculine and feminine.
As someone with [insert disorder/neurodivergency here], [insert neurogender here] offends me.
Neurogenders are not [insert disorder here] as a gender. It is a gender affected by said disorder/neurodivergency, or only able to be understood in the context of neurodivergency.
Not everybody with a neurodivergency identifies with a neurogender. Just because you have [insert disorder/neurodivergence here] does not mean you are [insert neurogender here], and you are in no way being forced to identify as it.
Neurogenders are used to say that ones experience with [insert disorder here] it affects their gender, or their experience with gender.
It is not "glorifying" or "downplaying" [insert disorder here]. Recognizing that one's gender is affected by something doesn't mean that it's "glorifying" it.
- Autism leads to individuals having trouble with neurotypical social constructs, since gender is a social construct some autistic individuals feel that being autistic influences how they experience gender.
- Someone may feel apathetic about their gender because they have a disorder or neurodivergence that makes them feel apathetic about many things.
- Someone who is unable to define their gender due to mental exhaustion caused by [insert disorder here].
Can you explain xenogenders?
If you ask a man to describe their gender, they might say their gender is something like "blue, strong, and protective". If you ask a woman the same question, they might say their gender is "beautiful, powerful, and nurturing". If you didn't know these individuals' genders, this might sound a bit silly, because a gender can't literally have these qualities. However, we are still able to imagine these genders and associate them with these qualities. Since society has told us what everyone are these seem to make sense to us.
Now, imagine that words like "man", "woman", "masculine", or "feminine" didn't exist. These individuals would still experience those genders, but they wouldn't have convenient words to describe it. This is the what xenogenders are trying to do. Individuals who have xenogenders know what their gender is, but their gender is not based on masculinity, femininity, or similar terms. Their gender does not have a convenient short-hand word, so instead they have to describe the qualities that are associated with their gender or describe it through metaphor. So, just as an example, instead of being "blue, strong, and protective", a gender might be "yellow, bright, and calming".
The only reason why words like masculine or feminine "make sense" to us is because we have been socialized since birth to recognize masculinity and femininity. If you were to actually stop and try to explain exactly what masculinity or femininity is, you'd find that you can only describe them through metaphor and abstract qualities, just like how xenogenders are described.
Can I use [insert pronouns here] if I'm [insert gender here]?
What pronouns do I use if I'm [insert gender here]?
Whichever pronouns you feel comfortable with.
Can I use [insert pronouns here] if I like to be called sister/brother/daughter/son/girlfriend/boyfriend/[insert gendered word here]?
Can I use neopronouns if I am [insert gender here]?
Can I use neopronouns if I am [insert adjective here]?
Can I make my own pronoun set?
Is [insert pronoun set here] a pronoun set?
It is now.
How do I use she/they pronouns or he/they pronouns.
She/they means they go by both she/her pronouns and by they/them pronouns. He/they means they go by both he/him pronouns and by they/them pronouns. Either use the two pronoun sets interchangeable or choose one or the other, depending on what the user prefers.
How do I use [insert pronouns set here]?
In English all pronoun sets have five words. They are organized like so: nominative/accusative/pronominal possessive/predicative possessive/reflexive. As an example I will using ae/aer/aer/aers/aerself pronouns. The first pronoun listed is the nominative pronoun. It is used in place of the words he, she, or they.
- He/She/They went to the store.
- Ae went to the store.
- [insert first pronoun here] went to the store.
The second pronoun listed is the accusative pronoun. It is used in place of him, her, or them.
- I met him/her/them today.
- I met aer today.
- I met [insert second pronoun here] today.
The third pronoun listed is the pronominal possessive pronoun. It is used in place of his, her, or their.
- I walked his/her/their dog today.
- I walked aer dog today.
- I walked [insert third pronoun here] dog today.
The fourth pronoun is the predicative possessive. It is used in place of his, hers, or theirs. (Note that this is the pronoun most likely to be dropped when listing pronouns. If someone only lists four pronouns this is likely the one that is missing.)
- If I need a phone my friend will let me borrow his/hers/theirs.
- If I need a phone my friend will let me borrow aers.
- If I need a phone my friend will let me borrow [insert fourth pronoun here].
The last pronoun listed is the reflexive. It is used in place of the words himself, herself, or themself/themselves.
- Alex has to drive himself/herself/themself to school.
- Alex has to drive aerself to school.
- Alex has to drive [insert last pronoun here] to school.
Note that in the case of they/them pronouns some sentences are conjugated in the plural form. (ie: He has eaten. ==> They have eaten.) You should always assume that neopronoun sets are conjugated as singular, unless you are specifically told otherwise. (It would be “ae has eaten” not “ae have eaten”.)
Note that this is only for English pronouns.