Demisexual is a sexual orientation on the asexual spectrum defined as someone who does not experience sexual attraction until they have formed a close or deep emotional connection or bond with someone. It is sometimes defined as one who only experiences secondary sexual attraction.
Demisexuality is sometimes described as the "opposite" orientation to Fraysexuality (sexual attraction that fades when an emotional bond is formed). One who is both Demisexual and Fraysexual may or may not use the term Apexsexual.
Primary and Secondary Sexual Attraction Model
Primary Sexual attraction is sexual attraction based on information which is instantly available, such as appearance, voice, smell, or fashion.
Secondary Sexual attraction is is sexual attraction based on information which is not instantly available. This includes personality, experiences, talents, and similar factors.
The Primary and Secondary Sexual Attraction Model was created by AVEN user Rabger on September 2nd, 2005 to address perceived issues with AVEN's then-current definition of Asexuality.
It may take several years to develop or it may form more suddenly (i.e. sharing an intense experience with someone over a week may cause a bond to form)
Some common factors for Demisexuals forming bonds are:
- Emotional intimacy
- Knowledge (of an individual's personality, beliefs, past, etc.)
- Shared experiences
However, it is important to note that the formation of any emotional bond(s) does not mean a Demisexual person will automatically feel sexual attraction towards said individual(s). It is simply a prerequisite for the possibility of sexual attraction to occur.
There are many misconceptions about Demisexuals and the Demisexual label. Demisexuality is not celibacy, a moral choice, "being picky", caused by a fear of sex, or an issue with low sex drive or hormones.
Demisexuals may choose to have casual sex or sex without attraction, sex stances vary from individual to individual just like any other orientation. While some Demisexuals may prefer sex with attraction, this is not a rule or a requirement to be Demisexual.
Similar to other orientations, Demisexuals may have any romantic orientation (Demisexual Homoromantic, Demisexual Aromantic, etc.) They may also choose not to use the Split-attraction Model ( or identify as a Non-SAM Ace.)
They may also choose to use additional sexual orientation labels alongside Demisexual (Demisexual Homosexual, Demisexual Bisexual, etc.) if they wish. Some Demisexuals are simply "just Demisexual".
Some examples of identities and microlabels relating to demisexuality include:
- Communicosexual (in some cases)
The term demisexual was coined in 2006 on the AVEN forms by user sonofzeal, who described his experience of not being sexually attracted to individuals without first forming an emotional connection. Sonofzeal felt neither asexual nor allosexual and created the term to more accurately describe needing an emotional bond as a prerequisite to sexual attraction. The term started to gain widespread popularity in 2008.
The Demisexual flag was made by Wikimedia user Vimopu, who uploaded it on April 22nd, 2013.
While no meanings were given by Vimopu, the same colors as the Asexual flag are used and are often assumed to have the same or similar meanings.
- Black: Asexuality
- Grey: Gray-A and demisexuality
- White: Allosexual partners and allies
- Purple: Community
The third alternate demisexual flag was designed by tumblr user crimsxnflxwerz on August 2, 2018.
The prefix demi- means half or partial.