User blog:Wemrotung/The less I care about how other people perceive me, the less dysphoric I feel.

I used to have pretty heavy body dysphoria, but I somewhat recently realized that there is nothing inherently wrong with my body. I think my body is great; I just don't like the assumptions people make in response to it. I love my curves and my height and my feminine features, and I feel beautiful. But I don't like it when people see me and assume I'm a girl because of those features.

I used to have a lot of dysphoria over how I dress, but I somewhat recently realized that I like dressing in all sorts of ways, regardless of gender roles. I love skirts and dresses and makeup. I want to wear what I think looks good and what makes me feel happy. But I don't like it when people see me and assume I'm a girl because of those clothes.

But lately, I've been thinking; no matter how I present myself, the people who don't really care about me will still misgender me. The people who don't really matter in my life anyway will still misgender me. So why should I center my expression and my validity around the expectations and standards of people who will never really respect me anyway?

My friends and my family all use my name and pronouns for me, regardless of how I look. They know I have curves, and they know I like feminine clothing, and they still respect me because they know I'm still genderqueer. Knowing that makes me experience much less dysphoria.

I still get dysphoric when I am misgendered or deadnamed, but I am somewhat at ease knowing that it doesn't matter much. The people who care about me and respect me and matter to me will always acknowledge me for who I am. I am content with knowing the problem isn't me or my body or the way I express myself; it is how other people react to it, and that's their deal.

I went from experiencing moderate to severe dysphoria to experiencing very low levels of dysphoria, and it is incredibly liberating. And with all that said, something important I want to say is: my decrease in dysphoria has not made me any less trans. I am still a genderqueer guy, and that is still valid. The only difference now is that I don't need external validation from everyone. I only need it from the people I deem important to me, and especially myself. Additionally, I have become content with my body. I know that my body does not invalidate my identity, and the idea that it should is transphobic and cisnormative. I have found a greater sense of security and stability in my identity, and I feel free. Not totally free, but free nonetheless.

I know not everyone will have the same experience as me, but I wanted to share this, because I don't see stories like this shared often. If you experience gender dysphoria, I hope you find a way to lessen it, whether by external validation, internal validation, dressing a certain way, medically transitioning, or whatever else your path to happiness and contentment may entail.

I'm going to end this with my favorite way to describe my identity: "There are two wolves inside me: one is a butch lesbian, the other is a gay twink. I'm pan and genderqueer."

Sincerely, a butchwink named Kylo ♡